Drugged by ‘e’ ?
I recently read the novel called ‘e‘ by Matt Beaumont which is a whole book written entirly as a collection of emails. The story is set in a London based ad agency, and covers a 2 week period starting from a bank holiday after New Years Day. The agency is pitching for the glory of [...]
I recently read the novel called ‘e‘ by Matt Beaumont which is a whole book written entirly as a collection of emails. The story is set in a London based ad agency, and covers a 2 week period starting from a bank holiday after New Years Day. The agency is pitching for the glory of all accounts, Coca-Cola, and determined to win.
If you work in advertising, you got to read it - it’s the most funny and livel written page-turner I ever come accross, and I been wiping my tears over every e-mail in this novel.
Here is the Amazon link if you want to buy it.
Small excerpt:
James Gregory - 1/3/00, 10:36am
to: Katie Philpott
re: hello, new girlHi Katie. I’m James and I’ll be your account manager on Mako. Dan Westbrooke has asked me to keep a close eye on you. I’m up to my neck organising this afternoon’s Mako meeting (usual bloody panic), but I’ll clock in with you later. In the meantime, enjoy reading the attached. It was penned by some anon. copywriter and has been handed down through geenrations of trainess. It tells you all you need to know about how your ptypical agecy works (or rahter, doesn’t).
ATTACHMENT
Chief Executive Officer Some CEOs have been known to have a brass sign on their desk that reads “the buck stops here”. This is either a misprint or a bare-faced lie. It should say “the bucks starts here”. The CEO is in the highly responsible position of having to designate the mug who will officially carry the can for whatever mire the agency has landed itself in. All he/she needs for this are the comfy and ergonomically designed swivel chair, an internal phone list and a nice, shiny pin. Decisions, decisions…Account Directors Lightbulb Joke #1:
Q - “How many account directors does it take to change a lightbulb?”
A - ” How many would the client like it to take?”
This tells you all you need to know about acount directors.Creative Directors All creative directors are useless tossers. This fact has been established in a number of clinical trials. It doesn’t matter how good they were before they were creative directors (and, no kidding, some of them were certifiably brilliant), the moment they settle into that palatial corner office with the wide-screen TV and Bauhaus furniture, they assume the mantle of useless tosser. This penomenon has baffled the few scientitsts who give a shit, which, to be frank, isn’t many.
Ceative Teams Legend has it that the moern copywriter/art director creative team was invented in the sixties by the advertising luminary, Bill Bernbach. This is bollocks. In fact it couldn’t be more bollocks if it were wrappend in a soft leather scrotal sac and suspended between the hind legs of abull. The truth is that the first team actually paired up afteer seeing David Bailey’s iconic shot of the Kray Twins. Upon viewing these infamous East End gangsters performing their patented sneer into Bailey’s Box Brownie, our embryonic duo were gobsmacked. They figured that if they too joined themselves at the hip, wore natty suits with skinny black ties and contrived to look well ‘ard, it would serve to scare anyone from account management off who had the temerity to suggest “a few little tweaks” to their work.
Lightbulb Joke #2:
Q - “How many art directors does it take to change a lightbulb?”
A - “Fuck off, I’m not changing a thing?”Katie Philpott - 1/3/00, 10:42am
to: James Gregory
re: HI YOURSELF!Thanks for the e. Didn’t understand most of it, but guffaw, guffaw, anyway. Haven’t the foggiest what I’m supposed to do yet, but if I can help with your Mako meeting - pens, pads, that sort of thing.
By the way, what happened to the last trainee? I’ve heard some rumours, but no one will tell. Katie P.
Katie Philpott - 1/3/00, 10:50am
to: James Gregory
re: HI YOURSELFThe story is that the last trainee spent his first month sitting by the fire escape waiting for a proper desk. He got hypothermia and sued. Don’t worry, things have changed. That’s why they stuck you by the big copier on the 3rd floor - you’ll overheat rather than freeze.
…
and one more e of angry Carla Browne after being fired by CEO Mr. Crettin:
Carla Browne - 1/4/00, 3:05am
to: All Departments
re: fuck the fucking lot of you!!!!!I’m leaving now, but before I go there’s some things you should know!!!!!
Zoe Clarke is a lying slag and she gave Simon Horne a BJ at last year’s D&AD She said he has a really small dick. Daniel Westbrooke keeps tarts’ call box cards in his desk drawer. The Crettin buys his coke off Vince Douglas. The crettin also spent £3,500 in one night at a table-dancing club and put it through on his expenses as “qualitative research fees.” You can all fuck off and die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Enjoy reading the rest of the e if you get the time - all CEOs, Creative Directors, Account Directors should find the time ……………….@ work 
comments
Rasha from Flip
June 20th, 2006 at 4:48 amYep great book read it a few years back…
The sequel is cool too: The E before Christmas
You can only imagine…